FBI

Little Man announced today that he thinks when he grows up, he will be in the FBI.

I said I thought the FBI was too dangerous.

His reply?

Little Man: "If I'm an FBI agent, then I can put that warning on DVDs that if people copy and sell the DVDs that I will get to put them in jail."

Then he drew a badge on a piece of paper so he can arrest people.

In other news, he says that he is in love with F. (a girl who was in his class last year) but no one is allowed to tell her.

:>

Focus!

Monday started out on the rough side...

T. and I hadn't slept well because I'd had one of my anxiety-related freak-outs late Sunday night/early Monday morning. After a rather harsh attack, I was finally able to settle down (as was T.) and get some sleep.

Before Little Man had gone to bed, we'd had a discussion about what he needed to do in the morning re: his room.

His room was a disaster. I realize he comes by this honestly as my ex and I are both the disorderly type. And Rhyme Girl has similar issues because T. and, presumably, her mother are the disorderly and the disorganized type.

Yes, a slight difference. I am disorderly in that I can generally find what I am looking for, even if our home is a mess.

Whereas the disorganized can't find things in general no matter what the state the home is in ;>

Anyway, Little Man knew he had to start cleaning his room when he got up (though he was allowed to eat cereal first) and was not allowed TV until his room was in some semblance of order.

That's not at all what happened. He freaked out and whined and yelled and had a few tantrums.

He kicked, and threw things and was generally a dingbat about the whole process.

While he did his room, T. and I worked on our areas of our room (lead by example).

Eventually, he completed his room before 1 p.m. even though he'd have been done MUCH, MUCH sooner had he only DONE it instead of complained and whined and bitched about it for ages before actually STARTING.

Nonetheless, it was exceedingly irksome.

Though once he was done, he got to ride his bike with T. for awhile as I had to run out and print photos that had been building up on my memory cards.

After that, he went to play with two of his friends at their house and following that, it was Kung Fu class.

So we talked to Little Man about being focused in class, and using time to practice. About watching Sifu and using his listening ears and about working on his stances and his single step forms. (He knows up to 13 well but there are 4 more to learn.)

We were exceedingly proud of him in class today because, overall, he kept his focus well. He paid attention, he practiced during their "free" time aka water fountain break time and he did a good job.

Of course, at the end of class when they were being asked why it's good to practice, his hand shot up and he said, "So if I do a good job I can get a PSP."

*hand slaps forehead*

I have no intention of getting him a PSP, but... he is hard to deter.

Little Man is a white belt

I thought I'd written about this but this wk (on Wed) Little Man earned his junior youth white belt in Kung Fu class.

He was probably the most focused I've ever seen him in class.

We were and are very proud.

T. actually had to excuse himself because he was so proud of Little Man -- he cried.

Am I old enough to know how Daddies plant magic seeds now?

Driving in the car the other day with a friend, Little Man pipes up from the backseat and asks if he's old enough to know how Daddies plant magic seeds in Mommies' tummies to grow babies.

*stunned silence*

me: "I don't think you need to know that when you are seven."

LM: "But I'm 7 now, I'm old enough."

me: "How do you think it happens?"

LM: "Does the Daddy poop?"

me: "It does not involve poop. At all."

LM: "Oh."

A few hrs later.

LM: "If a Daddy's bum touches a Mommy's bum - does that plant the magic seed?"

me: "What do you think?"

LM: "I think I know!!!!"

Can you grow a baby in your tummy?

Once again the topic came up where Little Man & Rhyme Girl were both asking if I would grow them a new baby brother or sister.

The topic was harder to answer this time around since it's been over a month since I had a miscarriage that the kids never knew about.

It made me sad.

Is that like a computer?

Today we were watching a movie that takes place in the 1930's (Kit Kittredge?).

As Abigail Breslin's character was typing a story, Rhyme Girl was confused.

Rhyme Girl: "What's that?"

Me: "It's a typewriter."

Rhyme Girl (bewildered expression): "Is that like a computer?"

*laughter*

Rhyme Girl (angry): "It's not my fault I don't know what a typewriter is!"

Little Man is riding his bike with no training wheels

I am extremely proud of my Little Man as, yesterday, he successfully conquered his fear and instead of just coasting on his two-wheeler and putting down his feet to stop whenever he realized we'd let go -- he is now successfully riding it.

He can even push himself off and start pedaling on his own (so long as he is going downhill -- uphill is still a challenge).

I am SOOOOO proud of him!

In the baby world

Little Man often speaks of and asks questions about "the baby world."

Case in point: "Mom, was I in Heaven when I was in the baby world?"

In talking to him, I've determined that the baby world is where he says/believes he was before he was born.

And it fits with my belief that souls choose their parents (or at the very least their mothers) before conception occurs.

Just thought I'd share.

Today was a tough day

I am 99% certain that I miscarried today.

I go for an ultrasound tomorrow.

I am sore and aching and sad and tired.

I just need to say how thankful I am for T. and my friends who are loving and supportive.

I was at work and I was feeling sort of cramping pains in my right side. I had felt them a bit on Tuesday as well but I thought perhaps it was implantation or something because it was very mild. Not even as strong as period cramps.

But I went to the bathroom and I was spotting. It was kind of a deep mauve colour and I was feeling a little more crampy.

I called the DR and made an appt to come in. Then I thought about calling T. but I didn't want to get him worried unnecessarily so I called my S-girl.

Got to her place (after leaving work early, while totally bawling) and I laid down for awhile and sobbed.

I made her look at the colour of the blood. Yes I did. She handled my urine container on Monday to make sure I didn't screw up the test and then today, I made her look at a swab of paper with my blood on it.

That's what friends are for, folks.

She took me to my appt and came in to the room with me and spoke to the DR. He seemed totally unconcerned and gave us some requisition forms.

S-girl & I picked up T. and I left word for H. via her man as to what was going on.

Could not get in anywhere for an ultrasound today though.

Cried and slept a LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every time I go to the bathroom, it looks more and more like a "regular" period so each time I go to the bathroom - I start crying again.

Logically, I realize that there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening. And I also know that if this was to be the outcome of this pregnancy, it is better that it happened sooner rather than later, but I am still really, really sad.

I am grieving, essentially, for the death of a dream.

Or has the dream really died?

Even though I have one slim hope, which is probably ridiculous, I'll tell you what it is.

I have read that women over 35 have a higher chance of having fraternal twins. So, if that's the case then MAYBE I was one of those women with two embryos. And maybe I lost one but still am carrying one.

Also, T. has said that if I want to try again that we can.

I have a lot to think about.

And I still cling to a shred of hope that the ultrasound will show me that I still have a baby to be born even though, logically, I think it's over.

I'm sorry, baby.

I never got to know you.

Bed-wetting

Little Man has had his 2nd bed-wetting incident in under a month.

Which is killer because he was up around 10 last night freaking out because he wanted water.

We only gave him a sip. Seriously, that was it.

But damn it all, he wet the bed.

I don't know what's up with him except that the day/night before he's been really active and had a lot of extra excitement.

Maybe that's why it's happening?

I do not know...

Sleep

I was very tired yesterday.

I had a hard time getting to sleep Monday night and Tuesday I had a headache and was nauseous all day.

It was "Fun Fair" at Little Man's school last night so I laid down for a nap before we went and I was solidly asleep. When T. came to wake me, he really scared me because I was so deeply asleep.

I went to bed last night at 10 p.m. and was right out almost immediately. Was woken up by a late-night call from H. about some confidential matters and then was back asleep again until 7:30 this morning.

Have a lesser headache today, on the left side of my head rather than my more intense headache on my right side yesterday.

At a cracker in bed before I got up.

Have kind of a metallic taste in my mouth, even after brushing my teeth this morning...

Working today, for 3 hrs. Hope all goes well.

T. is making me some peppermint tea to start off my morning.

Appointments

Dr. K. - July 13th at 2 p.m.

Pre-birth clinic at GRH - Aug 11th at 12:45 p.m. *must pick up paperwork beforehand*

Dr. C (OBGYN) - Aug 12th (must call and double-check the time)

Breakfast

Feeling a little nauseated this morning, but I think it is from my weather-related headache.

Am eating a banana and having some herbal peppermint tea.

Earlier I had 2 saltine crackers.

I am going to follow this with a slice of whole wheat toast.