This morning, Little Man bounded into my room -- wide awake and full of excitement because, as he put it, "I can't believe tomorrrow we'll have a baby!"
So he came in for a cuddle with me, possibly our last one of just the two of us, and we talked.
In moments like these, when he's doing his best to share his feelings and ideas and views of life and the world at large with me -- I marvel at my son.
He is sweet and funny and intelligent. His thought process is certainly his own and I can't always follow the connections he makes but he's interesting. His views are original.
And I am so honoured, proud and, frankly, blessed to be his Mom.
Ever since I had my Little Man I have felt that he has given my life purpose. That I was meant and chosen to be his Mom and that he would thrive and grow and learn because of our special connection.
And that feeling preceeded his diagnosis of autism.
When I look back at my childhood, the one main dream that I held onto was being a Mom someday.
When I was 13 or 14 and my family DR told my parents and I at the time that I would likely never be able to carry a child to term because of my heart issues, it tore me up but I felt certain he was wrong.
As a teen, I still envisioned myself of being the Mom of 3. Always 3. A girl first, then a boy and then a smaller child of indeterminate gender.
When I had Little Man, and it was so tramuatic and terrifying and I was praying that I'd make it through and be able to be there for my baby... and I was told no more babies... well, that time I did think that it was the truth. Especially because Little Man was a male and not the female child I always thought I was going to have first.
And here I am now, with my step-daughter, Rhyme Girl the oldest, Little Man and now this secretive baby-on-the-way.
It's what I always pictured.
But during my sweet conversation with Little Man this morning, I began to worry... Above all else in life -- I want to be here for him and I hope I am not risking that tomorrow when I go in for my RCS.
That being said, I cannot believe that the universe would give me this gift, this opportunity, this miracle of a baby that I am carrying just to take me away from all my kids but I wanted to write about how I am feeling anyway.
Bottom line: I love my kids. The one that was born from me, the one I shall birth tomorrow and the one I carry in my heart even though she's only been in my life as long as T. has.
---
Edited to add: Yesterday when I picked Little Man up at school, he said, "I was hoping someone else was picking me up because that would mean you were in labour!"
He also told me, "I'm going to love the baby more than you will, Mom."
me: "Why do you think that?"
LM: "Because kids love things way more than adults do."
---
One more addition:
After I wrote this post this morning, just before we left for me to take Little Man to school, he gave me the biggest hug and said, "I love you more than anything in the whole wide world. Than in the universe!"
And I hugged him back and said I loved him that same way. And that I would forever, no matter what.
And he said, "Even if you're in Heaven?"
And I said, "Yes, but let's hope I'm not going there for a very long time."
And he said, "OK, not for a thousand trillion years."
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Little Man cracks me up
He sneaks into my room this morning, looks in the empty crib and exclaims, "Mom, you mean you didn't have the baby last night?!?!?!?!"
So I had him come for a cuddle while I reminded him again that when I have the baby - the baby and I will be in the hospital for awhile so he would KNOW when the baby and I were back home.
He was so disappointed.
Then we came downstairs and he counted the days on the calendar from now until my RCS and started talking in a very high-pitched voice, "Only 4 days until the baby! I am so excited!"
:>
So I had him come for a cuddle while I reminded him again that when I have the baby - the baby and I will be in the hospital for awhile so he would KNOW when the baby and I were back home.
He was so disappointed.
Then we came downstairs and he counted the days on the calendar from now until my RCS and started talking in a very high-pitched voice, "Only 4 days until the baby! I am so excited!"
:>
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Had my 2nd actual dream about the baby
So last night I dreamt that I had been kidnapped and while I was being held prisoner in this dusty house, I suddenly just had the baby in my arms.
The baby was large, and healthy and smiling. Already possessing two teeth (bottom front) and in this dream, the baby was a boy.
Old wives tales say that when you dream about the gender of your baby-to-be that said baby will be the opposite gender.
However; my previous baby dream (from quite awhile ago - Nov. I think) was about me having an ultrasound and the tech telling us it was a boy, but by the end of that dream -- I was having the baby and was told that baby was actually a girl.
*shrug*
The baby was large, and healthy and smiling. Already possessing two teeth (bottom front) and in this dream, the baby was a boy.
Old wives tales say that when you dream about the gender of your baby-to-be that said baby will be the opposite gender.
However; my previous baby dream (from quite awhile ago - Nov. I think) was about me having an ultrasound and the tech telling us it was a boy, but by the end of that dream -- I was having the baby and was told that baby was actually a girl.
*shrug*
Friday, November 20, 2009
My Little Man looks out for his Momma
So on Wednesday, I was having a high incident of later in the day nauseousness.
In the evening, I started feeling horrid and was coughing and felt like I had swallowed something the wrong way.
Little Man was "doing the dishes" (basically playing in one kitchen sink with plastic bowls in it with his rubber gloves on) and then he came running out yelling, "I've got the throw up bowl, Mom!"
He gave me the bowl and asked if I was OK and I said yes, and I thanked him for taking such good care of me.
He replied, "I take good care of you because I love you."
It was a sweet moment.
Followed by a vomit chaser.
Then I got a cheery, "I *told* you, you needed the throw up bowl, Mom." from the 7-year-old in the kitchen.
In the evening, I started feeling horrid and was coughing and felt like I had swallowed something the wrong way.
Little Man was "doing the dishes" (basically playing in one kitchen sink with plastic bowls in it with his rubber gloves on) and then he came running out yelling, "I've got the throw up bowl, Mom!"
He gave me the bowl and asked if I was OK and I said yes, and I thanked him for taking such good care of me.
He replied, "I take good care of you because I love you."
It was a sweet moment.
Followed by a vomit chaser.
Then I got a cheery, "I *told* you, you needed the throw up bowl, Mom." from the 7-year-old in the kitchen.
Friday, June 28, 2002
@ 2002-06-28 09:24:00
Current mood: happy
I was wondering if anyone else was maybe feeling this sorta way by now
Slept on my back for the 1st time in what feels like forever and when I woke up I didn't have any probs breathing at all!!!!!!!
So that says to me that Lil One has definately dropped because I haven't been able to breathe properly on my back for ages and when I'd attempt to lay more on my back than on my side, my breathing became a hell of an issue.
Had some pretty sharp pains this morning though. Not BH contractions or anything, just sharp pain more to my right side like someone pinched me really hard where my leg atttaches to my torso.
Feel fine now.
Lil One appears to be sticking out in front more so than normal too because I really don't have any chest pressure at all, not even slight...
So I'm thinking this is "lightening"... wonder what's happening next? But so long as I am not having any BH contractions (or any sort of contractions at all) and there's still been no sign of a disintergrating or an exitting mucus plug, no show or anything --- I'm not worried.
But I feel pretty damn good right now :>
Current mood: happy
I was wondering if anyone else was maybe feeling this sorta way by now
Slept on my back for the 1st time in what feels like forever and when I woke up I didn't have any probs breathing at all!!!!!!!
So that says to me that Lil One has definately dropped because I haven't been able to breathe properly on my back for ages and when I'd attempt to lay more on my back than on my side, my breathing became a hell of an issue.
Had some pretty sharp pains this morning though. Not BH contractions or anything, just sharp pain more to my right side like someone pinched me really hard where my leg atttaches to my torso.
Feel fine now.
Lil One appears to be sticking out in front more so than normal too because I really don't have any chest pressure at all, not even slight...
So I'm thinking this is "lightening"... wonder what's happening next? But so long as I am not having any BH contractions (or any sort of contractions at all) and there's still been no sign of a disintergrating or an exitting mucus plug, no show or anything --- I'm not worried.
But I feel pretty damn good right now :>
Tuesday, May 14, 2002
@ 2002-05-14 10:13:00
Current mood: ecstatic
DS finally felt Lil One moving and kicking!!!!!!!
:>:>:>
Happened last night during an *ahem* intimate moment :>
He was so thrilled!!!
And now that he's felt lil one once, he was able to feel the baby this morning too :>
I am in a good mood even though I have (surprise, surprise) packing to do...
Current mood: ecstatic
DS finally felt Lil One moving and kicking!!!!!!!
:>:>:>
Happened last night during an *ahem* intimate moment :>
He was so thrilled!!!
And now that he's felt lil one once, he was able to feel the baby this morning too :>
I am in a good mood even though I have (surprise, surprise) packing to do...
Saturday, May 4, 2002
No wonder he likes Spiderman so much!
@ 2002-05-04 11:04:00
BTW, saw Spiderman last night
GDB treated us to a night out and a 10:30 p.m. showing...
I really enjoyed it, thought some of the effects could have been better (some seemed somewhat unfinished) but all in all, I really enjoyed it although lil one kicked me like crazy through most of it...
going to sammygirl's for some gardening and sunshine
BTW, saw Spiderman last night
GDB treated us to a night out and a 10:30 p.m. showing...
I really enjoyed it, thought some of the effects could have been better (some seemed somewhat unfinished) but all in all, I really enjoyed it although lil one kicked me like crazy through most of it...
going to sammygirl's for some gardening and sunshine
Monday, April 15, 2002
@ 2002-04-15 19:58:00
Current mood: in pain
what a day! i wonder if i ought to call a lawyer?
Well, my arm is in one of those sturdy things to protect it as i had a nasty fall today...
don't worry, lil one seems to be fine...
i had to get an oil lube and filter today and i also got a new air filter... but they were out of stock so they sent me to their other location in Kitchener and i walked in and there was soapy water spreading down from their doorstep (i think they emptied a mop bucket or something) and there was no sign warning about the wet area but i walked inside and the guy motioned for me to follow him through the garage and out the bay doors to my car, I proceeded to do so and I fell right on the painted concrete in the garage.
Even though I obviously fell very fast, I had the foresight to turn to make sure I landed on my side rather than my tummy and took most of the fall on my left hand.
The guy asked me if I was OK and I said I thought I was, since I didn't land on my tummy. He told me that his wife had fallen down the stairs 2 wks before their child was born and there'd been no prob.., so I proceeded to my car with him and he aksed me again if i was OK and I said that I thought so.
He put the filter in my car and my hand was starting to hurt and he asked again and I said my hand was starting to bother me and I left.
I drove the 4 mins down the street to the urgent care clinic and waited. I saw a DR after being there for about 45 mins. He examined my hand (i had to remove my watch because my wrist was swollen) and said that since i was pregnant that they could not X-ray to see if my hand was broken or not so he told me to ice it and then get one of these pre-formed wrist tensors to protect my hand if it is/was broken and that it would also be useful in the case of a strain or a sprain.
He also said that if I had any abdominal pain, bleeding, abnormal discharge or if the baby wasn't moving, to go to hospital for a stress test on the baby.
I ahven't had any probs with lil one *knocks wood* and S-N-J and I spent HOURS today driving around town to find one of these fucking thigns for my wrist in my goddamn size (small)
So i have a nice goose egg on my left hand near the base of my thumb and a icky purple mark and am in pain...
that was my day...
Thanks to sammygirl-N-J for taking care of me though :>:>:>
Current mood: in pain
what a day! i wonder if i ought to call a lawyer?
Well, my arm is in one of those sturdy things to protect it as i had a nasty fall today...
don't worry, lil one seems to be fine...
i had to get an oil lube and filter today and i also got a new air filter... but they were out of stock so they sent me to their other location in Kitchener and i walked in and there was soapy water spreading down from their doorstep (i think they emptied a mop bucket or something) and there was no sign warning about the wet area but i walked inside and the guy motioned for me to follow him through the garage and out the bay doors to my car, I proceeded to do so and I fell right on the painted concrete in the garage.
Even though I obviously fell very fast, I had the foresight to turn to make sure I landed on my side rather than my tummy and took most of the fall on my left hand.
The guy asked me if I was OK and I said I thought I was, since I didn't land on my tummy. He told me that his wife had fallen down the stairs 2 wks before their child was born and there'd been no prob.., so I proceeded to my car with him and he aksed me again if i was OK and I said that I thought so.
He put the filter in my car and my hand was starting to hurt and he asked again and I said my hand was starting to bother me and I left.
I drove the 4 mins down the street to the urgent care clinic and waited. I saw a DR after being there for about 45 mins. He examined my hand (i had to remove my watch because my wrist was swollen) and said that since i was pregnant that they could not X-ray to see if my hand was broken or not so he told me to ice it and then get one of these pre-formed wrist tensors to protect my hand if it is/was broken and that it would also be useful in the case of a strain or a sprain.
He also said that if I had any abdominal pain, bleeding, abnormal discharge or if the baby wasn't moving, to go to hospital for a stress test on the baby.
I ahven't had any probs with lil one *knocks wood* and S-N-J and I spent HOURS today driving around town to find one of these fucking thigns for my wrist in my goddamn size (small)
So i have a nice goose egg on my left hand near the base of my thumb and a icky purple mark and am in pain...
that was my day...
Thanks to sammygirl-N-J for taking care of me though :>:>:>
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
@ 2002-04-10 10:07:00
Home from the OBGYN
He thinks all the movement last wk indicate that the baby has changed position from sideways to head down. Since the baby has been quiet the past few days, I am partially inclined to agree, however, then why is almost all of the "hard" internal poking happening below my belly button???
I ahve to have the Rh shot since I am A negative and Jay is O positive... I am nervous about that...
It seems nice outside, I think I am going to eat and then take a walk.
Home from the OBGYN
He thinks all the movement last wk indicate that the baby has changed position from sideways to head down. Since the baby has been quiet the past few days, I am partially inclined to agree, however, then why is almost all of the "hard" internal poking happening below my belly button???
I ahve to have the Rh shot since I am A negative and Jay is O positive... I am nervous about that...
It seems nice outside, I think I am going to eat and then take a walk.
@ 2002-04-10 08:02:00
my 2nd OBGYN appt is today (TMI in the morning)
In an hour, actually...
so I am awake and had to pee in the container first thing this morning.
Is it just me, or is it difficult to pee into those things, especially while pregnant when you can't see past your own stomach???
BTW, it's official, my baby belly sticks out farther than my breasts do now...
my 2nd OBGYN appt is today (TMI in the morning)
In an hour, actually...
so I am awake and had to pee in the container first thing this morning.
Is it just me, or is it difficult to pee into those things, especially while pregnant when you can't see past your own stomach???
BTW, it's official, my baby belly sticks out farther than my breasts do now...
Monday, April 1, 2002
@ 2002-04-01 08:14:00
Current mood: sore
Ow ow ow
I must have slept funny because my neck and the right side of my back is KILLING me... it was painful to drive DS to work. This sucks :(
In other news, we had 2 delicious Easter dinners so far this weekend and are having one more tonight.
The baby has been so much more active lately that it's been really neat :>:>:> DS hasn't been able to feel the baby moving yet, although sammygirl did yesterday :>
Current mood: sore
Ow ow ow
I must have slept funny because my neck and the right side of my back is KILLING me... it was painful to drive DS to work. This sucks :(
In other news, we had 2 delicious Easter dinners so far this weekend and are having one more tonight.
The baby has been so much more active lately that it's been really neat :>:>:> DS hasn't been able to feel the baby moving yet, although sammygirl did yesterday :>
Thursday, March 21, 2002
Thursday, March 7, 2002
@ 2002-03-07 14:00:00
Current mood: ecstatic
Current music: Ween - Daisies
Went to the OB/GYN today
We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time... we've seen the heartbeat during both ultrasounds but had never heard it before.
WOW!!! It was SO fucking cool!!!!!
Now they think my EDD may actually be July 14th... But I still maintain that the 18th will be the big day...
They confirmed that my DR is a dumb-ass. When I first got pregnant, I informed my DR that I was Rh A negative and that I did not KNOW what my hubby's blood type was and I asked her if we should get him blood-typed. She said no.
Today, after I pick up DS from work... we are going to the clinic to get him blood-typed because if he's negative too, then I don't need any of those shots... :>:>:> so let's hope he's negative *crosses fingers*
Also, my asshole DR did not fwd any of my test results to the OB/GYN so they had to get all my info faxed over while I was there this morning *grr*
So DS and I were there for an hour and a half.
After that, I took DS to work... then stopped off at my grandparents place and had a chat with them and had some of Grandpa's homemade pasta fazui (spelling?) which was YUMMY! I brought home some leftovers :>:>:>
Got tons of info from the OB/GYN to read though so I think I am going to get started on that...
Current mood: ecstatic
Current music: Ween - Daisies
Went to the OB/GYN today
We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time... we've seen the heartbeat during both ultrasounds but had never heard it before.
WOW!!! It was SO fucking cool!!!!!
Now they think my EDD may actually be July 14th... But I still maintain that the 18th will be the big day...
They confirmed that my DR is a dumb-ass. When I first got pregnant, I informed my DR that I was Rh A negative and that I did not KNOW what my hubby's blood type was and I asked her if we should get him blood-typed. She said no.
Today, after I pick up DS from work... we are going to the clinic to get him blood-typed because if he's negative too, then I don't need any of those shots... :>:>:> so let's hope he's negative *crosses fingers*
Also, my asshole DR did not fwd any of my test results to the OB/GYN so they had to get all my info faxed over while I was there this morning *grr*
So DS and I were there for an hour and a half.
After that, I took DS to work... then stopped off at my grandparents place and had a chat with them and had some of Grandpa's homemade pasta fazui (spelling?) which was YUMMY! I brought home some leftovers :>:>:>
Got tons of info from the OB/GYN to read though so I think I am going to get started on that...
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
@ 2002-02-26 14:08:00
Current mood: sick
still sick, but I've made a small baby poll
Poll #20806 Baby Poll
Do you think I will give birth to:
[info]cagewench -- a girl
[info]sardonyx -- a girl
[info]larissadawn -- a boy
[info]ophelia427 -- a boy
[info]athena_51 -- a girl
[info]digitalsiren -- a girl
[info]unity -- a boy
[info]c_turtle -- a girl
[info]sjmonkey -- a boy
What date do you think I will have my baby (my EDD is July 12th, 2002)
[info]cagewench -- July 18th, 2002
[info]sardonyx -- woo! a Missa bday!
[info]larissadawn -- July 2nd, 2002 (pure guess)
[info]ophelia427 -- Sunday, July 7th, in the evening
[info]digitalsiren -- JULY 18TH !!!!!
[info]unity -- july 8
[info]c_turtle -- july 11
[info]sjmonkey -- July 11th 2002
(I've only left in the people I am still friends with IRL or online)
Current mood: sick
still sick, but I've made a small baby poll
Poll #20806 Baby Poll
Do you think I will give birth to:
[info]cagewench -- a girl
[info]sardonyx -- a girl
[info]larissadawn -- a boy
[info]ophelia427 -- a boy
[info]athena_51 -- a girl
[info]digitalsiren -- a girl
[info]unity -- a boy
[info]c_turtle -- a girl
[info]sjmonkey -- a boy
What date do you think I will have my baby (my EDD is July 12th, 2002)
[info]cagewench -- July 18th, 2002
[info]sardonyx -- woo! a Missa bday!
[info]larissadawn -- July 2nd, 2002 (pure guess)
[info]ophelia427 -- Sunday, July 7th, in the evening
[info]digitalsiren -- JULY 18TH !!!!!
[info]unity -- july 8
[info]c_turtle -- july 11
[info]sjmonkey -- July 11th 2002
(I've only left in the people I am still friends with IRL or online)
Friday, February 8, 2002
@ 2002-02-08 17:10:00
Current mood: angry
Current music: Delerium - A Poem For Byzantium
hormonal pregnant woman rant!!!!!!!!!!
What the fuck is up with clothes????????
If I had tons of $$$ I could get some cute items at a maternity store but, being poor, I have to be price-conscious and unfortunately combining LOW-PRICES with MATERNITY or PLUS-SIZES = ugly fucking clothes!
It is so damn difficult to get something comfy and attractive that will fit me right now and that's completely not fair.
To all stores everywhere STOP CATERING TO WAIFS!!!!!!!!!
I am sickened and disgusted by this!!!!!!!
PLUS a cunty saleslady told me that "you'd blow out the seams in that" when I asked to try on a dress marked XL. THe saleslady was pissy because I didn't want to buy a skirt because I am not finding skirts really comfy these days and I really just want dresses to wear during my pregnancy.
ARRGH!
Current mood: angry
Current music: Delerium - A Poem For Byzantium
hormonal pregnant woman rant!!!!!!!!!!
What the fuck is up with clothes????????
If I had tons of $$$ I could get some cute items at a maternity store but, being poor, I have to be price-conscious and unfortunately combining LOW-PRICES with MATERNITY or PLUS-SIZES = ugly fucking clothes!
It is so damn difficult to get something comfy and attractive that will fit me right now and that's completely not fair.
To all stores everywhere STOP CATERING TO WAIFS!!!!!!!!!
I am sickened and disgusted by this!!!!!!!
PLUS a cunty saleslady told me that "you'd blow out the seams in that" when I asked to try on a dress marked XL. THe saleslady was pissy because I didn't want to buy a skirt because I am not finding skirts really comfy these days and I really just want dresses to wear during my pregnancy.
ARRGH!
Wednesday, February 6, 2002
@ 2002-02-06 07:58:00
Current music: Lynda Carter-Wonder Woman-02 - She's Always a Woman
ughhh i am ill today
head pounding.... throat sore and swollen... feverish... tummy upset.... phelgm phelgm phelgm
this blows. I will not be answering the phone today unless my voice returns and I won't be calling anyone unless under the same aforementioned circumstance.
currently I am drinking peppermint tea with clover honey and am slathered in Vicks Vapour Rub
anyone know of anything safe to take since I'm in my 17th wk of pregnancy?
Current music: Lynda Carter-Wonder Woman-02 - She's Always a Woman
ughhh i am ill today
head pounding.... throat sore and swollen... feverish... tummy upset.... phelgm phelgm phelgm
this blows. I will not be answering the phone today unless my voice returns and I won't be calling anyone unless under the same aforementioned circumstance.
currently I am drinking peppermint tea with clover honey and am slathered in Vicks Vapour Rub
anyone know of anything safe to take since I'm in my 17th wk of pregnancy?
Monday, January 28, 2002
@ 2002-01-28 10:36:00
Current mood: accomplished
DR's office just called me
Apparently the day I had my ultrasound I was 15 wks and 4 days so my NEW esitmated due date is July the 12th.
That will make Grandma happy because she is convinced that it will be on July 11th (her BDAY) but I still feel that it will be the 18th for some reason.
Current mood: accomplished
DR's office just called me
Apparently the day I had my ultrasound I was 15 wks and 4 days so my NEW esitmated due date is July the 12th.
That will make Grandma happy because she is convinced that it will be on July 11th (her BDAY) but I still feel that it will be the 18th for some reason.
Tuesday, January 22, 2002
@ 2002-01-22 23:22:00
Today we had a big scare re: the baby (but it's alive)
*sighs* it was a long, scary, stressful day
It all started around 8 a.m. I had two really sharp pains in my lower left abdomen. Like being punched 2x but the person had a sharp, pointed object in their fist when they did it.
It frightened me. After that, it just throbbed. But I wasn't bleeding or anything like that so I didn't tell DS and we proceeded to take him to work... but I kept feeling worse in the car.
I wasn't planning on telling DS because I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily. My plan was to get him to work and then I was going to call sammygirl and D. and get them to either meet me at the shop and take me to the hospital or meet me at the hospital but DS noticed that there was something wrong.
He asked and I started crying and we immediately headed to the hospital.
We were both pretty scared because, although I've been sick as a dog all the way thru my pregnancy thus far... I haven't had anything like that happen before.
Got to the hospital. Was seen. Pain lessened although I still feel kind of tender all over my abdomen, and quite a bit so where that pain struck me today.
The DR was very nice and calming. He sent in a tech with the Doppler device to pick up the heartbeat to reassure me.
The tech couldn't find the heartbeat. He tried for about 20 mins. All he could pick up on was mine. I started crying. (at this point, I'd sent DS to call sammy and d. sammy came to the hospital)
The DR then brought another Doppler and he tried for about 20 mins to find the heartbeat of the baby and couldn't find it either.
I was in despair. I know that all things happen for a reason but I could see no reason in this... I can't recall ever being so scared and afraid.
The DR tried to reassure me, saying that while using it, did I notice that he didn't even always pick up MY heartbeat and that sometimes it's more difficult to pick up depending on the position of the baby and the amount of weight in that area of the mother.
He suggested that I up the appointment date of my ultrasound if I wanted more reassurance (since they couldn't do one at the hospital because it was all booked and because I was having no bleeding and the pain had lessened considerably).
Sammy and DS waited outside while I got dressed and then we all went back to her place where she and her J cheered us up, offered us moral support and really just were wonderful in helping calm me down.
I got my ultrasound squeezed in at the end of the lab tech's day so I had to drink a TON of water (I vomited at the lab... too full) for my ultrasound.
She did an abdominal/external one first. And had a hard time finding the baby and I was crying because I was so scared and DS wasn't allowed in there with me until after she got the info she needed.
She finally found the baby (just one) and assured me that it was alive and turned the screen and indicated the presence of it's beating heart.
I was very happy and relieved.
Then she had me empty my bladder and she did a trans-vaginal ultrasound to try to get the measurements and data that she needed.
Then she did the external one again and then brought Jay in and pointed out the baby and she printed the ultrasound picture for us.
But she wouldn't answer any of my other questions and told me to talk to my DR on Friday about my results so I am still worried.
My theory is that my DR miscalculated the gestational age of my baby.. but I am unsure why the tech was so closed mouth to me.
My ultrasound pic says GA (LMP)=15w1d P90 but I am unsure if that's what they discovered or if they just entered in what my DR believes the GA to be.
The only other thing it says is CN0 14cm DR60 G 48
but I don't know what any of that means.
So I guess I'll have a better idea of what's going on on Friday...
So I am exhausted (even though I had a 3 hr nap when we got home) and will likely be going to bed soon.
I am thankful that things turned out OK today and am praying that there will be no bad or unexpected news re: this on Friday.
Goodnight.
Today we had a big scare re: the baby (but it's alive)
*sighs* it was a long, scary, stressful day
It all started around 8 a.m. I had two really sharp pains in my lower left abdomen. Like being punched 2x but the person had a sharp, pointed object in their fist when they did it.
It frightened me. After that, it just throbbed. But I wasn't bleeding or anything like that so I didn't tell DS and we proceeded to take him to work... but I kept feeling worse in the car.
I wasn't planning on telling DS because I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily. My plan was to get him to work and then I was going to call sammygirl and D. and get them to either meet me at the shop and take me to the hospital or meet me at the hospital but DS noticed that there was something wrong.
He asked and I started crying and we immediately headed to the hospital.
We were both pretty scared because, although I've been sick as a dog all the way thru my pregnancy thus far... I haven't had anything like that happen before.
Got to the hospital. Was seen. Pain lessened although I still feel kind of tender all over my abdomen, and quite a bit so where that pain struck me today.
The DR was very nice and calming. He sent in a tech with the Doppler device to pick up the heartbeat to reassure me.
The tech couldn't find the heartbeat. He tried for about 20 mins. All he could pick up on was mine. I started crying. (at this point, I'd sent DS to call sammy and d. sammy came to the hospital)
The DR then brought another Doppler and he tried for about 20 mins to find the heartbeat of the baby and couldn't find it either.
I was in despair. I know that all things happen for a reason but I could see no reason in this... I can't recall ever being so scared and afraid.
The DR tried to reassure me, saying that while using it, did I notice that he didn't even always pick up MY heartbeat and that sometimes it's more difficult to pick up depending on the position of the baby and the amount of weight in that area of the mother.
He suggested that I up the appointment date of my ultrasound if I wanted more reassurance (since they couldn't do one at the hospital because it was all booked and because I was having no bleeding and the pain had lessened considerably).
Sammy and DS waited outside while I got dressed and then we all went back to her place where she and her J cheered us up, offered us moral support and really just were wonderful in helping calm me down.
I got my ultrasound squeezed in at the end of the lab tech's day so I had to drink a TON of water (I vomited at the lab... too full) for my ultrasound.
She did an abdominal/external one first. And had a hard time finding the baby and I was crying because I was so scared and DS wasn't allowed in there with me until after she got the info she needed.
She finally found the baby (just one) and assured me that it was alive and turned the screen and indicated the presence of it's beating heart.
I was very happy and relieved.
Then she had me empty my bladder and she did a trans-vaginal ultrasound to try to get the measurements and data that she needed.
Then she did the external one again and then brought Jay in and pointed out the baby and she printed the ultrasound picture for us.
But she wouldn't answer any of my other questions and told me to talk to my DR on Friday about my results so I am still worried.
My theory is that my DR miscalculated the gestational age of my baby.. but I am unsure why the tech was so closed mouth to me.
My ultrasound pic says GA (LMP)=15w1d P90 but I am unsure if that's what they discovered or if they just entered in what my DR believes the GA to be.
The only other thing it says is CN0 14cm DR60 G 48
but I don't know what any of that means.
So I guess I'll have a better idea of what's going on on Friday...
So I am exhausted (even though I had a 3 hr nap when we got home) and will likely be going to bed soon.
I am thankful that things turned out OK today and am praying that there will be no bad or unexpected news re: this on Friday.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
@ 2002-01-15 14:09:00
IN 2 wks
I get to have my ultrasound so I can finally get a peek at the little one and am also slated for that 16 wk blood screening for Down's etc...
I am scared about that one. But excited that I get to have the ultrasound because I really wanna see what's happening in here :>:>:>
IN 2 wks
I get to have my ultrasound so I can finally get a peek at the little one and am also slated for that 16 wk blood screening for Down's etc...
I am scared about that one. But excited that I get to have the ultrasound because I really wanna see what's happening in here :>:>:>
Friday, January 4, 2002
@ 2002-04-01 10:05:00
Current mood: happy
Pregnancy count... wk 26 (this actually begins on Fri the 5th by my count)
Pregnancy:
Week 26
How your baby's growing: Your baby is beginning to make some breathing movements, but there's no air in the lungs yet. At 26 weeks, fetal brain scans show that she responds to touch. Also, if you shine a light on your abdomen, your baby will turn her head, which researchers say shows some functioning of the optic nerve.
How your life is changing: Sleep may not feel that restful anymore, now that you're having vivid and scary dreams. When you sleep, your subconscious becomes a staging area for your fears and insecurities about pregnancy and impending motherhood. Dreaming that you're running away or falling from a great height, for instance, says you're worried about losing your independence and freedom once the baby arrives.
If your healthcare provider previously screened you for pregnancy anemia, a deficiency of red blood cells, she may do so again around this time. Many pregnant women develop a mild case of the illness because of normal changes in their bodies.
Current mood: happy
Pregnancy count... wk 26 (this actually begins on Fri the 5th by my count)
Pregnancy:
Week 26
How your baby's growing: Your baby is beginning to make some breathing movements, but there's no air in the lungs yet. At 26 weeks, fetal brain scans show that she responds to touch. Also, if you shine a light on your abdomen, your baby will turn her head, which researchers say shows some functioning of the optic nerve.
How your life is changing: Sleep may not feel that restful anymore, now that you're having vivid and scary dreams. When you sleep, your subconscious becomes a staging area for your fears and insecurities about pregnancy and impending motherhood. Dreaming that you're running away or falling from a great height, for instance, says you're worried about losing your independence and freedom once the baby arrives.
If your healthcare provider previously screened you for pregnancy anemia, a deficiency of red blood cells, she may do so again around this time. Many pregnant women develop a mild case of the illness because of normal changes in their bodies.
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