The news

Yesterday I did 4 pregnancy tests.

The digital one had an error but the other 3 all showed faint 2nd lines. And the boxes indicated that the 2nd line meant pregnancy.

Then I went to my DR and did another test.

Same result.

So here I am, pregnant at 36.

I'm happy, I'm scared, I'm hopeful.

Due to my age, my weight (259 lbs) and complications I had when I had my son almost 7 years ago, I am not sure what to think about it all.

My nerves make it advisable to try and stay calm and keep my thoughts in the middle of the road.

It's obviously early in my pregnancy. Judging by when I had my last period, and using cyclespages.com I was probably most fertile around May 21.

Now let's keep in mind that this pregnancy is a surprise. We were not planning on having another baby, even though we had the desire to, due to our ages and financial state but we had discussed if we ever were to be "surprised" that, so long as the DR felt it would be safe for me to continue a pregnancy that we would be parents again.

The strange thing is that I haven't "felt" pregnant whereas I have in the past very early on.

The only possible signs (that don't crossover into the PMS category) started on Saturday night/Sunday... an increased need to urinate with smaller amounts, major itchiness of the skin on my legs and stomach and sleep disorder/disruption.

Yes, my breasts have been a bit sore, but that's normal for me when I am expecting my period and I was having cramps (normal for me) as well as lower back cramps (abnormal unless it's during menstruation).

But much to my surprise, I am actually pregnant.

And I needed somewhere to write about this, but I've got this blog set so that only the authors can read it for now. Once I make it past the first trimester, then I can share this with the world.

For now though, there are people who know but not a lot (considering how many people I know) and though I'd like to excitedly shout this from the rooftops, I am trying to be cautiously optimistic and hopeful without being convinced that this will go the way I want it to.

My ideal outcome will be that I have a healthy, happy baby and that I am a healthy, happy Momma by the end of this pregnancy.

So, to my baby, I want you. I want you to nestle in, in the right spot, and start growing strong and healthy and no matter what may happen -- I love you.